Last night I was in a desert city with giant walls built around it to hold its people safe inside.
I walked the streets, slinking and skipping like a wild sprite, barefoot on lightly dusted dirt roads. My hair was down, long and tousled, past my waist. I was weaving in and out of the merchant’s carts and through the crowds, touching them soft and leaving impressions. I was arousing, bewitching, there was magic in my touch and presence.
No one liked it. But they had no choice other than to allow me to move through them like a forced toleration of an uncontrollable act of nature. I was an outsider to them. Though I was born within the walls I was not one of them. This amused me. I rolled their rejection around my tongue, and played with their disdain like catching butterflies.
I made my way to the gates of the city, as if being pulled to the desert beyond the walls. And though I never had before, I opened the gates and left without a care or inhibition.
When I stepped my bare foot onto the desert floor I was instantly, completely in love. Rapturous, overwhelming, empowering love. Though I know that I had never been out into the desert- it felt like I was finally home to be there.
The sun above was white, the sand was fair and fine. The landscape went on forever with no end in any direction.
I then became aware of what I was wearing, a long flowing sheer dress, the same color as the sand. As I moved and the wind blew through it- it would change. It transformed according to tension and manipulation. From soft sheer fabric to a type of metallic armor the same shade as the sand around me. Flashing and softening in flowing movement. A second ethereal skin that adapted to adorn and protect me. Sheer one moment, reflective the next but always flowing and moving with me.
I felt so utterly alive. I could feel every single detail of my surroundings. The sand between my toes, the warm sun that made me squint when I raised my head, the light wind, every single detail was experienced as anything I’ve ever felt in waking life. Even more so. On a existential level, this place felt more real than anywhere I have ever been. *I* felt more real within it.
I was kicking sand lightly with my feet as I moved farther into the desert. The farther I went – the more alive I felt, as if the desert was taking me *into* it and I was becoming a part of it. It flooded me with ecstasy and joy and completeness. And power. As if I grew more powerful with each step. Not the power that weighs heavy- the power that makes you weightless.
I saw a switch on the ground. There was no plant life to be seen so I don’t know where it came from but I picked it up and began tracing large swooping half circles in the sand around me, making light waves of sand kick up and be carried by the wind. I did this all around me, in large motions like a dance, creating swells of sand. It felt like some form of magic. Like a spell, but open ended. Not with any purpose or intention, simply a motion of power.
I saw something glimmer in the distance, so I walked to it. On the ground were three metal whips. I have never seen whips like these. They were made completely of metal- the same shade and kind of metal as my dress/armor/sand. Flawless, gorgeous. Divine. Angelic. White gold with a soft silvery hue, reflecting the tones of the desert floor so that they almost mirrored one another.
They were varying sizes- I picked the smaller, more compact one. Its design was simple- so perfectly simple and sleek that it was breathtaking. Its long soft and smooth cord ended with a solid teardrop piece. Solid- but when I picked it up it was light and curved and coiled effortlessly with the grace of a snake.
Even more pleasure and power and completion rose in me as I felt its reactions to every subtle flick and wave of my wrist.
I started walking forward again, flicking and lashing the whip as I stepped, bonding with it and melding its movements with my own. I knew it was mine. Even though it was just sitting in the desert unclaimed- I knew it was mine in a way I began to feel that the whole desert was mine.
I saw another glimmer in the distance- a small structure half buried in the sand as if it had been there a while. It was a one person chariot- appearing to be made of the same metal as the whip and my dress.
I wrapped the whip around my shoulder and stepped into the chariot. I grabbed the reigns and felt it immediately move and shift. The way it was designed I could not see completely right in front of me to see the horse that was suddenly attached, but as we began to move I would catch glimpses of its body writhing in step, its skin and muscle like liquid – but the same color and tone as my dress, whip, and chariot. Like a living metal machine. I could sense it was not “alive” in the way a horse is. It was not enslaved by the chariot. It was loyal to it. It was a part of it….and it was a part of me…
I grabbed the reigns and moved forward , picking up speed. I could feel every detail perfectly. The change in air and weight as we accelerated and turned, the jolting, the force, the pull, the control at my fingers.
Right as I realized the possibility of this escalation in power and control- I woke up.
And now every day is a step towards finding that desert again. Every goal is to bring me closer. To the desert I know is my home.
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